A Long Time Coming

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Troy Michigan
March 16, 2019


Dear no one in particular 
If I'm being entirely honest "I have often felt uneasy about you" and this time last year I would not have expected to be writing about you for ap english, if anything id say this is just another example of how much can change in just a year. If you ever manage to find this, I want you to know that this isn't one last curse at you to get back for the weeks of self loathing, the loss of confidence, the fractured trust issues, the toxic habits, and the pain you caused me, but it's not. At the time, the past me would have pulled a total McCarthy and witch hunted you to the entirety of the ap class but like I said, people change... Ive changed. I blamed you for all of the things wrong with my life and for that I am truly sorry, an emotional breakdown at one in the morning, the fist shaped hole in the wall, a storm cloud on a sunny day, a stubbed toe, all because of you. 

You gave me heartbreak but with it you offered me a chance to learn more about myself than I ever thought possible, and in some way I guess that was the thing I was most afraid of doing in the end. Not facing you, not my friends, but myself, and after that realization I wanted to hate you so badly. I wanted you to feel the pain that I had to go through that led me down this road of unconscious self discovery, but if you've ever been through something like this then you know that you'd never wish pain like this on anyone. This pain doesn't hurt or burn, it seeps into your very being and eats away at everything you have, robbing you of your compassion for others experiencing it. And after you're finally out of the fire, some small part of you is just glad that it's not you anymore. This grim season of your life really teaches you just what kind of person you are when life takes the wheel from you and swerves into the opposite lane.

At the end of the day when people ask if I have any regrets about what happened during one of the longest years of my life, I say no. Without you I wouldn't be as strong as I am right now, I wouldn't be as happy as I am right now and I wouldn't have had the drive to actually bother figuring out who I am or how I feel about myself in general. If there's one thing I could wish for you, it would be that you find your way out of whatever is poisoning your life and that you find the enlightenment you need to pull yourself out of it. Ive never gotten the chance to tell you this and frankly i'm sorry its taken this long but after everything you did to me, I forgive you. 

I know all of this sounded really cheesy but what else did you expect when you clicked on my url?
-Connor




Comments

  1. justin strongMarch 17, 2019 at 11:17 AM

    This was a very interesting blog, the format unlike any other that I have read. The informal tone you created through diction and capitalization made it much more personal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Abby DangremondMarch 17, 2019 at 1:33 PM

    Wow I wonder who this is about! This is a very personal post and a lot of it rang true for me as well. Great job opening up this week.

    ReplyDelete
  3. molly capelliMarch 17, 2019 at 4:06 PM

    I'm both confused and intrigued at the same time, I like the tone of the piece and I think you did a really great job, I love reading your blogs so here's to another great one!

    ReplyDelete

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