Red light, Green light
"Can't repeat the past?... Why of course you can!"-Jay Gatsby
The immortal words of F. Scott Fitzgerald never resonated with me before until reading that line, and with nothing else but eyes for his loved one Daisy to keep him going for those five years they spent apart, Gatsby managed to immortalize every moment they spent together on repeat while he waited for their reunion. Every wrinkle, every argument, every fight, every heartache, was painted over in a permanent gloss along with the memories they created together before the war and social class split them up, Leaving Daisy and her memory to be referred to in nothing less but pure divinity. The only problem with that was the obvious fact that Gatsby let his emotions for who Daisy was cloud over the new persona she had taken on in his absence. Fueled by the drive to recreate the relationship that was lost, the only thing that Gatsby ever truly cared about, the one thing that his award winning smile and mountains of wealth couldn't buy him ended with his downfall.
A wise soul once said "Don't be sad that its over, but be happy that it happened" and as I read that quote I gave out one of the heaviest sighs to have ever been exhaled. Don't be sad that its over? If there was a version of me that was happier than I am now, why wouldn't I look back at my past self with bitter eyes of envy? I'll be completely honest with you when I say if I had the chance to go back to the time when everything seemed to be going my way and I was truly at peace I'd take it, but ask me this question face to face in school and you'll receive some half assed "nO bEcAuSe mY mIsTakeS mAkE mE wHO i aM" and as much as i'd enjoy to swallow that mouthful of horse manure and just accept that what happened ended, I cant. Im not going to lie, reading a book where the main character is doing everything in his power to rekindle the relationship with the only one he ever cared about was... challenging to say the least.Although however burdensome of a task it was, it was eye opening.
Our boy Gatsby shows us this best when he says " 'And she doesn't understand,' he said despairingly. 'She used to be able to understand. we'd sit for hours-" This line expresses the bittersweet truth that even when the thing you've wanted back the most is finally in your hands, it's never the same as it was. Not unlike a fractured window, its almost what you had but these new lines are there that change it completely from what it was before. Im gonna go on a long shot here and assume that if the book ended differently, and Gatsby finally got his Daisy, that it wouldn't have been the happily ever after that we'd all expect and as much as I hate being the guy to make everything dark and depressing... I think it would have ended with him thinking he finally got everything he wanted but its tainted, he'd realize that Daisy wasn't the same girl he fell in love with those five years prior and it would've had eventually killed him, as he tried to make everything like the way it was and when it doesn't budge, he'd push harder until the relationship caves in on itself.
This whole story has taught me that even when given a second chance to start something up from your past that you've been itching for since you've lost it, doesn't mean you should. Most of the time, that golden ticket ends up being a rusty reminder that you can't always get what you want and sometimes you just have to accept that maybe things ended the way they did for a reason, and should be respected enough to be left at rest. Even when the nights get lonely or the grass doesn't seem as green as it could be, you're given the memory that things were better and with enough time they will get better again.
Yours truly
Connor
The immortal words of F. Scott Fitzgerald never resonated with me before until reading that line, and with nothing else but eyes for his loved one Daisy to keep him going for those five years they spent apart, Gatsby managed to immortalize every moment they spent together on repeat while he waited for their reunion. Every wrinkle, every argument, every fight, every heartache, was painted over in a permanent gloss along with the memories they created together before the war and social class split them up, Leaving Daisy and her memory to be referred to in nothing less but pure divinity. The only problem with that was the obvious fact that Gatsby let his emotions for who Daisy was cloud over the new persona she had taken on in his absence. Fueled by the drive to recreate the relationship that was lost, the only thing that Gatsby ever truly cared about, the one thing that his award winning smile and mountains of wealth couldn't buy him ended with his downfall.
A wise soul once said "Don't be sad that its over, but be happy that it happened" and as I read that quote I gave out one of the heaviest sighs to have ever been exhaled. Don't be sad that its over? If there was a version of me that was happier than I am now, why wouldn't I look back at my past self with bitter eyes of envy? I'll be completely honest with you when I say if I had the chance to go back to the time when everything seemed to be going my way and I was truly at peace I'd take it, but ask me this question face to face in school and you'll receive some half assed "nO bEcAuSe mY mIsTakeS mAkE mE wHO i aM" and as much as i'd enjoy to swallow that mouthful of horse manure and just accept that what happened ended, I cant. Im not going to lie, reading a book where the main character is doing everything in his power to rekindle the relationship with the only one he ever cared about was... challenging to say the least.Although however burdensome of a task it was, it was eye opening.
Our boy Gatsby shows us this best when he says " 'And she doesn't understand,' he said despairingly. 'She used to be able to understand. we'd sit for hours-" This line expresses the bittersweet truth that even when the thing you've wanted back the most is finally in your hands, it's never the same as it was. Not unlike a fractured window, its almost what you had but these new lines are there that change it completely from what it was before. Im gonna go on a long shot here and assume that if the book ended differently, and Gatsby finally got his Daisy, that it wouldn't have been the happily ever after that we'd all expect and as much as I hate being the guy to make everything dark and depressing... I think it would have ended with him thinking he finally got everything he wanted but its tainted, he'd realize that Daisy wasn't the same girl he fell in love with those five years prior and it would've had eventually killed him, as he tried to make everything like the way it was and when it doesn't budge, he'd push harder until the relationship caves in on itself.
This whole story has taught me that even when given a second chance to start something up from your past that you've been itching for since you've lost it, doesn't mean you should. Most of the time, that golden ticket ends up being a rusty reminder that you can't always get what you want and sometimes you just have to accept that maybe things ended the way they did for a reason, and should be respected enough to be left at rest. Even when the nights get lonely or the grass doesn't seem as green as it could be, you're given the memory that things were better and with enough time they will get better again.
Yours truly
Connor
Connor, I love this post! I can agree with you, as I wrote something similar in my blog post. Repeating the past is not all that people think it is. Your mistakes are what make you who YOU are, so why would you want to make them disappear by going back in time to prevent them?
ReplyDeleteConnor, this was HANDS DOWN your best post. Reading this makes my heart ache. This post was so poetic, and held such a powerful truth. Being unable to achieve your happiest self truly sucks...dare I say...same boat? Anyways, great job in writing this, you tackled the subject of the past beautifully.
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